2011 Mockingbird NFL Draft

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee has been read by nearly everyone who graduated high school in the land of the free and the brave. It is only fitting that I bring this story up, a story not just for shits and giggles, but a social commentary on the racial undertones of the South in the 1930s. Fast-forward to 2011, more specifically, the run-up to the NFL Draft. Recently, there has been discussion that much of the criticism of Cam Newton has been racially driven, and if he were white, there would be far less scrutiny of his flaws. On the other hand, we have Ryan Mallett from Arkansas, perhaps the poster boy for a great college experience, skipping meetings with the Panthers - either because he was truly sick or hungover from a night on the town - amid the fact that he has admitted to using recreational drugs in the past down at Fayetteville.Suppose Mallett were black - would perception of him change in football circles? No, absolutely not. Sure, it might affect what a few rednecks down in the Old South might think, but hey, on Sundays, they're probably busy going to their Klan meetings instead of watching football....but I digress...now on to the mock.

Harper Lee = Mel Kiper + Todd McShay?!

This has been the most uncertain NFL Draft in recent memory. It hurts my brain to think about the last time who the #1 pick was going to be was a big question mark this close to the draft. Even Jamarcus Russell was an unanimous #1 overall pick. All indications are pointing to Cam Newton as being the #1 pick, but - and keep in mind, this is coming from a huge Auburn fan - I have started to doubt how ready he is for the NFL. I know he had a great season at Auburn, but Gus Malzahn's system worked at Tulsa and even made Chris Todd look like a decent quarterback at Auburn. Couple that with Newton's penchant to start running as soon as the first sign of trouble appears and only one year playing at a D-1 level, I understand the questions about him. Luckily for him, the rest of the quarterbacks in this class have more than their share of doubters and for good reason. This mock has no trades because that's too hard to predict and seriously, screw you guys..I don't want to.

#1 Carolina Panthers - Cam Newton, QB - Auburn

Though Newton has more than enough questions and there are at least three players who are much more sure bets than he is, there is a new regime in Carolina and Jimmy Clausen is not their guy. Couple that with the fact that drafting a first round quarterback almost always guarantees a head coach 3+ years and with Newton supposedly having a larger than normal learning curve, expect him to be Ron Rivera's first pick.

The biggest enigma in this year's draft.

#2 Denver Broncos - Marcell Dareus, DT - Alabama

John Elway and John Fox take over in Denver and although there are rumors swirling that Elway isn't high on Tim Tebow, you have to give a first round quarterback more leash than spot-up duty during his rookie year. Fox is a big proponent of building the defensive line (if you remember his early 2000's Panthers' defensive lines) and former Tide lineman Dareus is the pick.

#3 Buffalo Bills - Von Miller, LB - Texas A & M

Last year, it was rumored that Chan Gailey was enamored with Tebow and that the Bills would do whatever they could to pick him. This pick changes if Cam Newton is still on the board. Gailey is a creative enough offensive mind that he knows what to do with Cam Newton and can sit him behind Ryan Fitzpatrick, who is more than capable as a placeholder. Miller goes here because, well Buffalo isn't that good on defense. Aaron Maybin, the defensive end from Penn State, has been a huge disappointment and it would not be a surprise if he is traded or cut this offseason.

#4 Cincinatti Bengals - AJ Green, WR - Georgia

This pick is simple. Chad Ochocinco and T.O. are both moving on and the Bengals don't have any wide receivers left. What would be interesting is if they bite on the temptation to draft Blaine Gabbert or Newton considering Carson Palmer hasn't budged on his statement that he will retire if he's not traded or released from the Bengals.

The best player in the draft.

#5 Arizona Cardinals - Patrick Peterson, CB - Louisiana State

Larry Fitzgerald needs a quarterback - true. But is a rookie quarterback going to keep Fitzgerald happy and not request a trade? I expect the Cards to pick up a quarterback in the offseason - perhaps former Ram Marc Bulger, who spent the last season holding a clipboard in Baltimore. Peterson helps shore up that secondary with Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and help make up for the loss of Antrel Rolle and others last offseason.

#6 Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones, WR - Alabama

Colt McCoy, against all odds, established himself as the #1 guy in Cleveland last year. He needs weapons - he can't rely on Josh Cribbs, Mohammad Massaquoi, and Brian Robiskie. Jones gives McCoy a big target and helps reduce the wear and tear on hopeful Madden coverboy Peyton Hillis as well.

The Rams would give up the arch for Julio Jones

#7 San Francisco 49ers - Robert Quinn, DE/OLB - UNC

Jim Harbaugh is getting ready for his first draft in the NFL and to make up for the previously failed picks of Manny Lawson and Kentwan Balmer, the 49ers pick Quinn. I'm not a big fan of Quinn - I don't like guys who don't have a defined position in the 3-4 or the 4-3, but it's either Quinn or Prince Amukamara for the 49ers. Harbaugh either picks up a quarterback via trade or free agency or waits for his precious golden child Andrew Luck next year.

#8 Tennessee Titans - Blaine Gabbert, QB - Missouri

The fall stops here for the former Tiger. Gabbert has been receiving rave reviews recently, especially coupled with the fall of Newton's stock. Gabbert has many problems that are similar to what Newton faced. He, also many times, stops with one read and often takes off running. He comes out of a pure spread system, but has all the attributes you want in a NFL quarterbacks. When he replaced Chase Daniel at Mizzou several years ago, coming out of Parkway West High School in St. Louis, people expected Gabbert to play well on the college level, but very few people, probably including Gabbert himself expected him to end up as a probable top 10 draft pick. Kudos to him.

#9 Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara, CB - Nebraska

This isn't the best pick for Dallas here. They need help on the offensive line more than they need secondary help, but the secondary isn't exactly a rosy situation. I hope the Cowboys pick Amukamara for the Redskins' sake and not address the offensive line, but either Amukamara or one of the many offensive linemen yet to be picked - Gabe Carimi or Anthony Costanzo - would be fine picks here.

#10 Washington Redskins - Aldon Smith, DE/OLB - Missouri

The second Missouri Tiger comes off the board to no one but the Washington Redskins. If the Shanahans deem it fit, Jake Locker could be the pick at #10, but that might be a little too high for him. Smith goes here over JJ Watt and Cameron Jordan because he has more potential as a pass rusher. The Redskins' defensive line is atrocious and putting him opposite Brian Orakpo can only mean good things for the Skins.

The Tiger joins Orakpo in the Redskins' front seven

#11 Houston Texans - Cameron Jordan, DE - Cal

The Texans are taking either Jordan or JJ Watt. Jordan is a solid five technique lineman to take in this position and would go a long way in helping Mario Williams the Texans' front seven. Another possibility is cornerback Jimmy Smith from Colorado with Peterson and Amukamara off the board, but this might be a little high for him considering Smith has major character issues.

#12 Minnesota Vikings - Anthony Castonzo, OT - Boston College

Leslie Frazier will enter his first full year with a team that massively underachieved last year. The Vikings' thinking is still that they are a quarterback away and rumblings out of Washington D.C. recently have Donovan McNabb headed o the land of ten thousand lakes. Look for the Vikes to take Castonzo or Tyron Smith from USC to become their offensive tackle of the future. Bryant McKinnie is getting up there in age and has had some ill-advised spending during the lockout. Castonzo can slide right in and perhaps could facilitate a McKinnie move to the right side of the line.

#13 Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith, OT - USC

I was really tempted to give Detroit Nick Fairley here to pair with Donkey Kong on the defensive line, but Smith makes a lot more sense. Matthew Stafford is a great quarterback...when healthy. Drafting Smith allows Gosden Cherilus to move to the right side and give Stafford bookends for the conceivable future.

#14 St. Louis Rams - Nick Fairley, DT - Auburn

The fall stops here for the former projected #1 overall pick. Fairley's stock is crumbling due to his supposedly poor work ethic, having the Cam Newton disease - being a one year wonder for the National Champions, and not being a heady player on the field. I've seen the guy play throughout his college career - he is a star in the making and the Rams should be thanking their lucky stars if Fairley is still on the board. If Julio Jones falls to the Rams' pick, he will absolutely, definitely, without a doubt be the pick. Look for the Rams to trade up on draft day to pick Jones.

#15 Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey, G - Florida

No way in hell should Mike Pouncey go this high. He was routinely over matched, but due to his brother's impressive rookie campaign with the Steelers, his draft position will be better than it deserves to be. I can see Miami taking Locker here as I don't think Jeff Ireland and Tony Sparano and the post-Parcells Dolphins' front office is ready to put their eggs in Chad Henne's basket.

Maurkice's brother is no where as good as he is.

#16 Jacksonville Jaguars - JJ Watt, DE - Wisconsin

Jack Del Rio saved his job last year by nearly making the playoffs, and consistent with his philosophy will take another pass rusher in the draft. Watt, by all accounts has a great motor, but doesn't have the pass rushing potential of Smith or Cameron Jordan. If I were Del Rio, I'd take a hard look at a quarterback to back up Garrard and perhaps start the transition from Garrard to a younger QB.

Watt joins a long list of Jaguars' pass rushers.

#17 New England Patriots - Muhammad Wilkerson, DT  - Temple

The Patriots, more than likely will trade this pick, or their other first round pick, so making a pick for them is almost useless. That being said, Wilkerson is a typical Belichick player - hard working, has the intangibles, you know the rest. Expect him or another defensive front seven player to be the pick here.

#18 San Diego Chargers - Gabe Carimi, OT - Wisconsin

The San Diego Chargers' offensive line is fine...except their right tackle spot. The Chargers also win the award for the most talented team not to make the playoffs other than the 2000 Washington Redskins. Carimi helps with assuring the Chargers' faithful that Philip Rivers will be fine for the next ten years.

#19 New York Giants - Nate Solder, OT - Colorado

I was very tempted to draft a punter for the Giants' faithful, but I kid. Solder or whoever the top lineman on the Giants' board will be the pick. Apparently, Tom Coughlin is very much in favor of picking Anthony Castonzo if he is still on the board due to Coughlin's Boston College ties, but it is almost certain that the Giants will pick a lineman.

#20 Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Ryan Kerrigan, DE - Purdue

Raheem Morris has done a fabulous job with the Buccaneers in his short while there. It's time for the Buccaneers to return to their bread and butter, which brought them a Super Bowl in 2002 - a strong defensive line. Kerrigan is much highly rated on many teams' boards and will provide the Bucs with a pass rusher worth envying.

#21 Kansas City Chiefs - Da'Quan Bowers, DE - Clemson

The Chiefs select the far-sliding Bowers, who at one point was projected to be a top five pick. Tamba Hali and the rest of the Chiefs defense is smiling...the Broncos, Raiders, and Chargers are not.

A bum knee caused Bowers' stock to fall.

#22 Indianapolis Colts - Akeem Ayers, LB - UCLA

The typical Colts pick would be an offensive lineman from their backyard, but Ayers has too much value to pass up. He adds another dimension to a defense already featuring Dwight Freeney. Scary.

#23 Philadelphia Eagles - Derek Sherrod, OT - Mississippi State

Sherrod is a fine player from the confines of the SEC and he provides protection to Mike Vick, which seems to be the direction that the Eagles seem to be heading. The former Bulldog provides another obstacle to get through to get to Michael Vick.

#24 New Orleans Saints  - Marvin Austin,  DT - UNC

The Saints need help along the front seven, a fact sorely highlighted by Marshawn Lynch's beast mode run last year in the playoffs. Austin, other than his off the field issues, is a former top five prep player and is an undeniable talent. Sean Payton has never been one to shy away from character issues either.

#25 Seattle Seahawks - Jake Locker, QB - Washington

This pick is made in heaven by Clipboard Jesus. Whitehurst will pass the torch onto Locker who will enter lore of Washington sports along with Steve Largent, Ken Griffey Junior, Gary Payton, and Jim Zorn...yes Jim Zorn.

No, that's not Jake Locker. That's Jim Zorn.

#26 Baltimore Ravens - Kyle Rudolph, TE - Notre Dame

The Ravens pick Todd Heap's eventual successor. Rudolph is a great talent in a draft that is thin on top-notch tight ends. He enter college under a cloud as he was present when a Notre Dame recruit fell of a balcony and died in a drunken stupor, but he has played himself into the first round...what is it with Notre Dame and deaths these days? Jesus would not approve.

#27 Atlanta Falcons - Cameron Heyward, DE - Ohio State

While the Falcons probably prefer Brooks Reed, I prefer Heyward, who is more talented than Reed. Heyward has a strong presence on the line and can play defensive tackle as well. If the Falcons keep improving that defense, there is a very good chance that they could be a Super Bowl contender for years to come.

#28 New England Patriots - Torrey Smith, WR - Maryland

The first real big surprise of the draft comes from the Patriots?! As I said, there is a 0.5% chance the Pats actually keep this pick, but if they do, Torrey Smith is the right fit for them. He is a speedster, but he has a strong work ethic and decent enough hands unlike former Terrapin Darrius Heyward-Bey. Another Belichick pick...maybe in the second round, the Patriots can draft a new video camera guy?

Smith will try to reverse the stigma brought on to Maryland receivers by Heyward Bey

#29 Chicago Bears - Marcus Cannon, OT - TCU

Jay Cutler took enough slack for his injury in the NFC Championship game, but what people don't realize is that the injury doesn't happen if his offensive line was competent and didn't feature the likes of Edwin Williams. Cannon adds another body to the Bears' offensive line and at this point, that's all they can ask for.

#30 New York Jets - Mark Ingram, RB - Alabama

Yes, the Jets have Shonn Green and LaDanian Tomlinson. But neither of them are a former Heisman trophy winner who has slipped to the #30 pick in the first round. Ingram goes here and the Jets save the former National Champion at Alabama from falling into the second round.

#31 Pittsburgh Steelers - Jimmy Smith, CB - Colorado

Jimmy Smith has undeniable character concerns, but he is also rated above Amukamara on some draft boards. It is not exactly like the Steelers to draft a cornerback in the first round - the last time they were looking do so, the Jets swooped in and took Darrelle Revis. Smith makes the Steelers defense that much better.

#32 Green Bay Packers - Adrian Clayborn, DE - Iowa

The Packers add more pass rush to help Clay Matthews with the load. I also think it's inevitable that the Packers take Casey Matthews later in the draft.

Ryan Mallett drops out of the first round. No racism here.

The 2011 NBA Playoff Preview

First of all, props to the Washington Wizards for finishing with the 13th seed in the Eastern Conference..too bad only the top 8 seeds make the playoffs. Secondly, John Wall has predicted the playoffs next season for the Wizards - while I would like for that to happen, with a lockout soon approaching...uhhh yeah.

OK, now onto the playoff matchups - winners in bold

Playoffs?!

Eastern Conference

Bulls (1) vs. Pacers (8)

Storyline: Contrary to what Skip Bayless says, the Bulls didn't "luck into" the best record in the NBA. In what is the most open NBA playoffs since the Spurs beat the Knicks in the lockout shortened 1998-1999 season, the Bulls enter the playoffs on a roll. The starting lineup is deadly and thanks to a string of coaches who have emphasized defense - Scott Skiles, Vinny Del Negro, and now the master, Tom Thibodeau, the defense is absolutely sickening to play against. Noah, Deng, Rose, and even Boozer to an extent all play solid defense, rotate when necessary, and shut down high scoring offenses. But what's really scary about Chicago is that in the last month or so of the season, their offense has picked up considerably.

Cheating on your SAT's is Step 1 to becoming MVP of the NBA

Matchup to Watch: Tyler Hansborough + Josh McRoberts vs. Carlos Boozer

Prediction: 4-2 Bulls

Heat (2) vs. Sixers (7)

Storyline: Everyone outside of Miami/every real fan/everyone with a soul will be rooting for the 76ers, but the biggest storyline of this series is the matchup we were cheated out of - New York vs. Miami...a flashback to the great series of the late 1990s, but with ten times more starpower...but I digress. The Sixers will make the Heat play all 48 minutes in every game, but they simply don't have the starpower to keep up with the Heat. Doug Collins should be a top three candidate for coach of the year and this is with Evan Turner being a disappointing draft pick.

Matchup to Watch: Andre Iguodala vs. Dwayne Wade

Prediction: 4-1 Heat

Celtics (3) vs. Knicks (6)

Storyline: The Knicks roar into this one coming off a late-season seven game winning streak versus a Celtics team that has yet to figure out how to play post-Kendrick Perkins. What Doc Rivers hasn't done is play Jeff Green alongside the big four instead of replacing one of them with Green. If the Celtics play small with Garnett/Rondo/Pierce/Allen/Rondo, I dare anyone to find a team that can guard that starting five. That being said, the chances of that happening are slim to none and I expect the Knicks to pull the surprise of the first round and the playoffs and beat the Celtics. I see Amare and Melo working the pick and pop to perfection and D'Antoni running the Celtics to the ground.

The Savior of Madison Square Garden

Matchup to Watch: Amare Stoudamire vs. Shaquille O'Neal + Jermaine O'Neal + Nenad Krstic

Prediction: 4-3 Knicks

Magic (4) vs. Hawks (5)

Storyline: This is the hardest matchup to predict. The Magic, after blowing up their team during the season and acquiring another new group of three point shooters, are extremely similar to the Magic team that went to the Finals two years ago. Arenas, Richardson x 2, Redick, and Turkoglu have got to produce for Dwight Howard to see less double teams and to keep the Hawks defense honest. Joe Johnson has to prove his worth in the playoffs after signing a larger contract than the big 3 in Miami. (Reason #1 for NBA lockout - Joe Johnson's max contract) The Hawks, with former Wizard Kirk Hinrich, have been tumbling in the second half of the season, but they have beaten the Magic 3 out of 4 times this year.  That's big for a team, especially after being swept by the Magic last year by an average of 20+ points in each game.

Matchup to Watch: Dwight Howard vs. Al Horford + Josh Smith + Zaza Pachulia

Prediction: 4-2 Hawks

Western Conference

Spurs (1) vs. Grizzlies (8)

Storyline: As good as the Grizzlies have played down the stretch, they have no shot against the Spurs. Losing Rudy Gay for the season doesn't help either. (Reason #2 for NBA lockout - Rudy Gay's max contract) Manu won't play in the first game and perhaps more, but it shouldn't matter. The Grizzlies are athletic, young, and good and Zach Randolph has been playing out of his mind and into another contract extension, but the Spurs are too savvy and too veteran tested for this type of team. Look for the Grizzlies to win some accolades for playing hard, but that's about it. I am personally excited to see Greivis Vasquez play in his first NBA playoffs.

The One, the only Greivis Vasquez

Matchup to Watch: Tim Duncan vs. Zach Randolph

Prediction: 4-1 Spurs

Lakers (2) vs. Hornets (7)

Storyline: It's the playoffs, which can mean only one thing - the Lakers will return to playing like champions again. Kobe, coming off of calling someone a word that rhymes with maggot (Reason #3 for NBA lockout - Kobe Bryant being fined $100,000 and Phil Jackson being fined $75,000 for speaking the truth. Maybe David Stern should fine himself for being the antichrist.), is going to be more motivated than ever and I expect his teammates to pick it up along with him, provided the entire team does not come down with Chicken Pox - keep Steve Blake away. The only reason I can see the Hornets stealing a game is if Chris Paul (Reason #4 for NBA lockout - Chris Paul will almost absolutely force his way to New York in two years, which he should not be able to do) absolutely demolishes Derek Fisher and Shannon Brown, which is entirely plausible, but the Lakers have enough star power at other positions to come away quickly with the win in this series, providing enough time for Andrew Bynum to gather additional rest for the second round.

Trade me to Washington for Andray Blatche and a pick!

Matchup to Watch: Chris Paul vs. Derek Fisher + Shannon Brown

Prediction: Lakers 4-0

Mavericks (3) vs. Blazers (6)

Storyline: The Mavericks' window to win a championship is closing...really quickly. Dirk is still a top ten player in the league, but his supporting cast is becoming old very quickly. After this season, the Mavericks have about three starters, which they can count on for the long run - Dirk, Beaubois, and Chandler. It's time to retool after this season. On the other side are the Blazers - the most injury riddled team over their entire history, going back to Bill Walton, Brian Grant, Damon Stoudamire, and now Brandon Roy and Greg Oden. That being said, many people are picking the Blazers especially with LaMarcus Aldridge going from not being voted to the NBA All Star team to a possible All-NBA selection. I just don't see Dirk going down early or easily to the Blazers. The pressure is on the Mavs to not lose in the first round again - three out of the last four times, they've bowed out before the second round.

I don't play in half the games, but I take pictures of my junk.

Matchup to Watch: Dirk Nowitzki vs. LaMarcus Aldridge

Prediction: 4-2 Mavs

Thunder (4) vs. Nuggets (5)

Storyline: I can't believe I am doing this either, but yes, I am picking against the greatness that is Kevin Durant. The Nuggets, since the Carmelo Anthony trade, have been one of the best teams in the league and go 8 deep - Gallinari, JR Smith, Chandler, Martin, Felton, Nene, Lawson, Afflalo. They are the hardest team to guard and don't play much defense either similar to the old-school Nuggets teams of Dan Issel. Perkins adds a whole new dimension to the Thunder, but the Nuggets can negate the Perkins effect by pulling him outside. Durant and Westbrook will get theirs, but the Nuggets have 8 players who can go for 30+ on any night. I expect big things from the Nuggets in the playoffs..big things.

Adarsh's new favorite white player

Matchup to Watch: Ty Lawson + Raymond Felton vs. Russell Westbrook

Prediction: 4-2 Nuggets

Eastern Conference Finals:  Knicks over Bulls 4-3
Western Conference Finals: Lakers over Nuggets 4-1

Finals: Lakers over Knicks 4-2

Singledom: The Normal (less estrogen) Version

(This is in response to the article posted here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/singledom-its-normal-so-relax/)

I read the article above and I was a hodgepodge of emotions - I didn't know what to think. I thought being single was very clear and defined - either you are extremely depressed that you are single and yearn for someone else or you are elated that you are single and you can't wait to go out and get your mack daddy on.

I once read an issue of Cosmo. I was shocked - SHOCKED - at the garbage that goes into that magazine. Some of the material in there makes Paris Hilton and Snooki look like Nobel Prize candidates. It's even more shocking that so many women buy that crap and swear to it like it's their Bible. The article above states that when men are single, "we brush it off as playing the field." You're damn right, we're playing the field. But tell me, girls don't do that? The so-called noble search for Mr. Right is playing the field, whether you want to admit it or not.

Unlike girls and their so called girls' night, a "guy’s night" is just what it sounds like - a several 30 packs of cheap beer, illegal recreational drugs, a game on TV, video games, and other shenanigans. Never have I ever gone to a guy’s night and dressed up in an Armani shirt and tie hoping that the night eventually lands me in the backseat of my car with some girl. I usually go into these nights with a white tee (now famous for its stains) and jeans and looking to chillax. When did being single become such a burden? Usually, it is being in a relationship which causes problems and strain – I’ve never heard a single guy complaining about how hard life is…I guess girls just have it harder (total sarcasm – I have never had anyone pay for my drink at a bar….or let me into a club for free despite my dashingly handsome looks).

Something single guys share with single girls is the apparent disgust with their friends being single. Instead of guys thinking their friends are condescending or annoying or wondering why their friends deserve such hotter girls than they do, they just wonder about how whipped someone can become within a very time frame. There are very strong undertones of sexism in this response, but I don’t care. If you can extrapolate from what I’ve said in the last several paragraphs, this is what I’m saying – 1. Being single is awesome. 2. Don’t feel sorry for yourself because your friends are not single and you are – instead embrace it. 3. GET PAID, GET LAID.

An Open Letter to.....Everyone?

While living my life last week, surrounded by sports (typical) and The Wire (thank you Arun Reghunathan and Mihir Brahmbhatt - two fine gentleman, not cab drivers or your local 7-11 workers - although my main man at 7-11 is named Balbir...), I got to thinking about the problems of the world. We hear so much speculation through the media, politicians, celebrities,  truckers, homeless guys on the subway, and finally athletes. Enough of the speculation. The world would be a lot better if people took direct action SO I (from the safety of the Internet) am going to write an open letter to those who I feel are running rampant of the World's moral code.

"What the fuck did I do?"

Dear Lebron James,

Why the hell are you complaining about being fouled? You are a physical beast, you get every foul call anyway, and God forbid Maurice Evans doesn't let you barge down the lane untouched for a dunk. Lebron, you are ruining the game for everyone else - first, you ditch Cleveland (can't blame you...Cleveland sucks), second, you team up with Dwayne Wade and Tiddlywinks, third you want Dan Gilbert to open up his arms for your entourage, and finally you don't come out for the starting lineups in Cleveland because you were in the bathroom - THE BATHROOM?! Who goes to the bathroom during the starting lineup presentations?! What are you, five years old?! BRIAN SCALABRINE WOULDN'T DO THAT! Your legacy is just dying every second you live Remember when you said you would win "Not one championship, not two, not three,
not four..."? You were right. You're winning 0.

Crying won't get you championships, Lebron.

Dear John Wall,

I love you. Standing up to Zydraunas Ilgauskas and Juwan Howard - two men who are nearly a foot taller than you just made you the leader of this team for the next 10 years. Let's hope you get some damn pieces around you (Harrison cough Barnes cough) - make it happen Ted Leonsis. Make it happen.

Washington's waiting for you, Harrison.

Dear NCAA,

Don't change anything. Over the last week, everyone has been speculating about what the NCAA needs to do to change system so kids are not getting paid. You know what? 95% (a rough estimate with no mathematical calculations) of the student-athletes are not getting paid. You change the system for 5% (including allegedly four members of the beloved Auburn Tigers), then you are admitting defeat. Don't do it. Keep doling out sanctions and hopefully, someone, someday will get the message.

You are a snitch, Stanley McClover. A snitch.

Dear Shaka Smart,

You're going to be getting offers left and right regardless of whether you win the NCAA tournament. Don't leave VCU. What many people don't know is that you've won with former coach and current Alabama Coach Anthony Grant's players. If you go elsewhere and you find that you can't recruit, you're going to get canned with several years like another predecessor of yours - Jeff Capel. Atleast at VCU, you know they are never going to fire you.

Dear John Calipari,

Please beat Jim Calhoun. I have money on you yet again. You and I share a common bond. I've bet on you more than any other coach in college basketball. Please don't lose yet again in the Final Four. I believe in you. I've got to be like one of your three remaining supporters and make sure this Final Four isn't vacated too.

Dear Brad Stevens,

You've taken a mid-major to two straight final fours. The last person to do this - Jerry Tarkanian of the UNLV Runnin Rebels (Then again, the way UNLV recruited players, it was more like a professional team, not a mid-major). Please don't follow in his footsteps and become the poster boy for NCAA violations. I really hope what you've done over the last two years is as legitimate as you and your program seems. It's the best feel good story in a while. 

JIM CALHOUN           VS.       JOHN CALIPARI

Will Calhoun's Scottish/Irish mob...

or will Calipari's Italian mafia prevail?

 

 

 This Final Four is also the Final Four of Coaches - the biggest stories on each team is the coach. More people know Brad Stevens, Shaka Smart, John Calipari, and Jim Calhoun than they do Matt Howard, Jamie Skeen, Brandon Knight, or Kemba Walker. I hope you will stay at Butler and make them a perennial power - in two years, you have already surpassed what Mark Few has done with Gonzaga for nearly 15 years. Well done.

Going back to the comparison between you and Jerry Tarkanian, I hope you realize what you have done. You have taken completely undertalented teams with only one NBA player (thus far - Shelvin Mack and perhaps Matt Howard might join Gordan Hayward next year) to back to back final fours. Remember, those UNLV teams had Larry Johnson - the #1 overall pick in 1991, Stacey Augmon - perhaps the best college defender of the 1990's and another lottery pick, Greg Anthony - a longtime NBA point guard and yet, another lottery pick, and Anderson Hunt - the 1990 Final Four MVP. If Brad Stevens does not win National Coach of the Year (which he hasn't...thank you tournament choker and Adarsh Kannan Bracket Killer Mike Brey).

Picking between you and Shaka Smart is like taking a prisoner on death row to the playboy mansion for his last conjugal visit...it's a win-win/lose-lose situation. That being said. YOU ARE WINNING THE CHAMPIONSHIP BUTLER (please let Gus Johnson call this game...please!)

 BRAD STEVENS       VS.       SHAKA SMART

How can you pick between Marissa Miller

and Jenny McCarthy (in her prime)?

   

Dear Mizzou fans,

First you lose to Cincinatti in the first round of the tournament, then Mike Anderson, after saying he wants to stay in Columbia, leaves to Fayetteville, without even attending his press conference and then Matt Painter says yes to you...only to spurn you hours later. Sucks to be you Mizzou basketball. Sucks to be you.

Get used to it Mizzou fans. It ain't over yet.

P.S. Don't even dream about Brad Stevens or Shaka Smart. Kim Anderson (Coach of Central Missouri) is your best bet.

Dear Mahendra Singh Dhoni,

It's a bird, it's a plane....no IT'S DHONI!

Please beat Sri Lanka tomorrow. This is what it's all about. This whole tournament means nothing if India chokes in the Finals again. 2003 has been erased from my memory and so has 2007. It's all about 2011. You won the biggest match in your captaincy against Pakistan under immense pressure and ridiculous circumstances. Great decisions before the match (including one I doubted - dropping Ashwin and picking up Nehra), and during the match as well. Regardless, I'm going to give you my advice anyway and this is the XI, I'd go with tomorrow - 1. Tendulkar, 2. Sehwag, 3. Kohli, 4. Yuvraj, 5. Dhoni, 6. Raina, 7. Pathan, 8. Harbhajan, 9. Zaheer, 10. Sreesanth, 11. Patel.

I replaced Gambhir with Pathan and Nehra with Sreesanth - if Nehra is hurt. Gambhir has not performed at all in this tournament and Pathan would add some punch to a middle order that has badly collapsed in the last several matches, especially in the last ten overs. I also did not choose Ashwin because the Sri Lankans totally destroy spinners, but hey, it's your team (and Kris Srikanth's and Gary Kirsten's and >1 billion Indians, but no pressure).

Finally, I would like to say, please send Misbah-Ul-Haq a box of chocolates or something. I don't think I need to explain why.

P.S. Please ****ing win. You'll get to see model Poonam Pandey naked (what a name...Poonam...)!

Poontang Pandey (just kidding about the Poontang)

Dear potential gamblers,

Do not, under any circumstances, take these picks (they're mine) - unless you have some sadistic urge to lose money.

Semifinals: Butler over VCU, Kentucky over UConn
Finals: Butler over Kentucky - the great white hope lives on.

AND FINALLY, ONE LAST LETTER....

Dear Libyan citizens,

Stop protesting against Ghadafi/Gaddafi/Quaddafi/Khadafi/Jumanji. He is a nice man and has done much good for your country. He doesn't deserve your wrath. He reminds me of Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr., and Jesus rolled into one. Respect him as he has done his best for the people of Libya.

A great man and a revolutionary leader. Please don't disrespect him, Libya.

P.S. April Fools! Burn him alive. 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm going to try something new for the three people who read this blog...email me questions at adarsh.kannan90@gmail.com with "dailydarsh" in the subject line. Tell your friends.